With Spring Comes Stupidity

Spring has sprung here in Arkansas, and along with the minivans and college kids’ 90’s-model Honda sedans fleeing to the beach, stupidity has also sprung. I am not immune to the stupidity of spring and have concocted a few stupid ways that we now have to spend $200 to prove it. But I’ve also found other stupidity around, so just kick back and enjoy the loss of brain cells.

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This *quite rare* selfie is me with awful hair…Jeff and I stupidly took the boys to Academy Sports to purchase t-ball gear for 4yo Tate. It quickly turned from adorable day out with the boys to find Tate’s first glove and bat…into the kind of chaos that makes Jeff and me repeatedly question our own IQ’s when we dare to expose the boys to public view. Why do we do this to ourselves? This hair happened because I super-stupidly put almost-2yo Sawyer on my shoulders so I could at least keep up with him. I see dads do this all the time, and it seemed smart. Though I felt him rearranging my hair in the store, I was so frustrated that I let it go. Then I saw a mirror in the car. Ouch. Stupid.

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Then, there’s more Carrie stupid. This came when Jeff put the cargo topper on my car the day before a long car ride to visit our Tennessee family. I did such a great job all day of remembering to park outside the garage, making several trips to the store, dropping and picking up kids, and going to work out. At my last outing of the day to get Sarah and her friend Kenzie from school, I just…forgot. I pulled about 75% into the garage and pretty much got stuck, wondering what the horrible noise overhead could possibly be. Yep. It was the idiot destruction of our cargo topper. So sad. So expensive. So stupid.

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I don’t blame this next stupid entirely on me. This is a very terrible picture of the windshield of my car…with an 18-inch crack in it (starts on the left, spreading toward the center) . We incurred this auto injury on the ill-fated trip where we were supposed to have the car topper on. We endured driving through post-ice-pocalypse Memphis in which snow plows also dredged up the top layer of asphalt but nicely left it for interstate traffic to kick onto each other’s windshields…wasn’t that kind of them? On this one, I wasn’t even driving. Jeff was. However, I AM guilty of celebrating paying off this car on Facebook. Since then, I’ve had a flat tire, new battery, mushed my cargo topper, and cracked the windshield. You can’t make that up. Totally pathetically true story.

Now, for other stupidity outside the confines of my family.

I snapped this little picture of a back windshield sticker. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan of the “Keep Calm” mantra rolling around the internet these days, and I can and will drink wine with the best of them. According to Wikipedia (which is only as far as I’m willing to research after leaving academia), the original poster of “Keep Calm and Carry On” was “a motivational poster produced by the British government in 1939 in preparation for the Second World War.” Call me crazy, but if I’m a cop trolling for people to pull over on the weekend, I’m starting with the driver who advertises how much she loves wine on her back windshield. Just sayin’.

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In an epically stupid move, the Today Show celebrated Pi Day (3.14.15) with the worst idea ever. “Hey, why don’t we let the hosts throw pies in each other’s faces? It’ll be great! Pi and pie go together! What could be funnier?” What could be more stupid? In a questionably unscripted move, Willie Geist threw a pie in the face of his co-host Tamron Hall, who had just removed her goggles and raincoat hood. This prompted a predictable revenge move later (Tamron.Was.PISSED.), and then they had to sit next to each other for the rest of the morning, Tamron with wet hair and makeup askew. I felt less sorry for Tamron after she complained that she now had to go to CHICAGO to get her hair redone and showed up in an equally beautiful and expensive dress after Dress #1 was pie-ed, but still… I think pies in anyone’s face are just mean. Add in the expectation to laugh it off in front of a camera and half of America, and you have a recipe for disaster, stupid Today Show producers.

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Though I didn’t originally intend for more than one questionable bumper sticker, here’s another. It reads, “The family that preys together stays together.” I’m seriously unsure if this driver is being ironic. The family is “preying” together, not “praying” together, but some of them are missing limbs. Is that intentional? Have they been preyed upon by wild Arkansas animals? Are they the Cullens, escaped from Twilight to live in Arkansas and prey upon unsuspecting Razorbacks? Is this just a sweet sentiment with exceptionally bad grammar (note that I haven’t even gone after the that/who debate…)? Prey for these guys, please.

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Finally…this is a table that our family of nine sat at in a Mexican restaurant in our hometown when we visited. Nothing says consuming loads of tacos, rice, and beans like an over-testosteroned Mayan warrior gazing down on his boobalicious, strategically naked Mayan princess. We, um, put the boys at the other end of the table to avoid the inevitable awkward questions. Since when should eating at a Mexican restaurant inspire the birds and bees talk? Since now…

Have you seen any stupid around? Let me know… Have a great day, guys!

 

 

 

 

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