Nerdy Carrie: I’m Opening a Literary Cocktails Bar

Last December, one of my favorite magazines, Reader’s Digest, plugged a great coffee table book that I just had to have. Sadly, Jeff didn’t get the “hinty-hint-hint” (read: lots of shameless hints) that I wanted, nay, needed this book. When it didn’t appear under the Christmas tree, I took matters into my own hands and grabbed a copy from Amazon. Take that for ignoring the not-so-subtle hints, husband.

tequila

The book is called Tequila Mockingbird: Cocktails with a Literary Twist by Tim Federle. Now people, I have no idea who Federle is, but he had me at The Turn of the Screwdriver. I mean, this guy combines two of my favorite things, books and alcohol.

The premise of the book is cocktail recipes with clever literary titles. He gives a basic snarky description of each book (even calling out the boring ones, thank you!), a recipe, and brief instructions. There is no highbrow literary analysis going on here…in fact, it’s a refreshing point of view to see someone who is obviously intelligent and well-read embrace the idea that, for example, the love triangle in Ethan Frome could’ve been easily solved if only the trio had sat down with each other and enjoyed a drink, already.

Reader’s Digest teased me with titles such as: The Last of the Mojitos; Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margarita; Bridget Jones’s Daquiri; and The Picture of Dorian Grey Goose. Therefore, inspired by the mere plug of this book in December of last year, I asked my nerdy, book-loving Facebook friends (credits below) to join me in creating cocktails that should be named in this book (since I, as yet, didn’t own a copy until later). Well, my true and sincere hope is that someday Mr. Federle can realize he has fans and create the sequel to this genius book (using, of course, my friends’ ideas, featured here.)

  1. Fifty Shades of Grey Goose
  2. A Tale of Two Martinis
  3. Absolute, Absalom
  4. Love in the Time of Cosmopolitan
  5. The Old Man and the Sea Breeze
  6. Tom Collins Sawyer
  7. She Stoops to Conquer Cosmopolitans
  8. (Sex) On the Beach
  9. Pina Colada and Prejudice
  10. To the Light(Beer)house
  11. Of Mice and Martinis
  12. Romeo and Gimlet
  13. Chardonnay’s Web
  14. Jameson and the Jim Bean Stalk
  15. Brave New Wine
  16. Jameson Eyre
  17. Wuthering Hennessy
  18. Franken(beer)stein
  19. The Secret Life of Beer
  20. Atlas Shinerbocked
  21. The Old Fashioned and the Sea
  22. A Farewell to Amaretto (*actually in the book!)
  23. Life of Pi-lsner
  24. Romeo and (Mint) Julep (*actually in the book, minus Mint)
  25. The Curious Incident of the Drunk and the Passed Out
  26. The Beer Thief
  27. Lady Chatterly’s Liquor
  28. MacBeer
  29. In Cold Bloody Mary
  30. The Blind Cider
  31. The Diary of Anheuser Busch
  32. Catching Fireballs
  33. Harry PINTer and the Half-Gin-Half-Tonic
  34. Jameson and the Giant Peach Schnopps
  35. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Single Barrels
  36. Smirnoff’s List
  37. Ketel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
  38. The Princess and the Pinot
  39. Crown Royal Tenenbaums
  40. The King of Beers and I
  41. Moby Dickel
  42. The Catcher and the Rye Whiskey
  43. Little House on the Prairie Fire
  44. The Madras of Avalon
  45. Wuthering High Lifes
  46. Rumplemintz-stiltskin
  47. Two Gentlemen Jack of Verona
  48. Titus Andrunkus
  49. A Midsummer Night’s Drink
  50. As You Like It (no change needed)
  51. The Da Vinci Cognac
  52. A Rum with a View
  53. The Devil Drinks Vodka
  54. The Princess and the PBR
  55. Through the Looking Glass of Wine

I know, I know, my friends are hilarious, well-read geniuses. After this post, I totally planned to open a bar here in Arkansas where people could absolutely talk about great books and drink at the same time.  Would more people be open to reading the classics if this were possible? Would the menu then expand to fun bar food like Chips and Don Quixote Queso? Then, I realized that, like many others’ night-out pipe dreams of opening an awesome bar, mine would most likely end in miserable financial failure. And I also realized that people can drink and talk about books in any bar. So, Federle did things properly: he put this in a book instead of creating his bar/library. I actually wonder if the bar/library was the original idea…

Please feel free to comment below and add to the ever-growing list of literary cocktails, and we can all nerd out and raise a glass together. Cheers!

Many thanks to my Facebook friends (and a few who joined in on the action that I didn’t even know!): Natasha Vaitekunas-Willis, Dina Bozsoki, Allison Smith, Tara Baker, Casey Campbell Minton, Dave Walters, Monty Wilson, Gina Yolanda, and Melissa Sutherlin Prince. You rock!

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